I have to say that I woke this morning to a new light, a new optimism, a new hope. Nothing has changed but the fact that January is over makes me want to do a happy dance. I have never been so happy to say good-bye to a month as I am to say good-bye to January.
and then i breathe deeply in and realize that january has brought me a whole lot of new insight into myself and my family and for that i am incredibly grateful.
and then i breathe deeply in and realize that january has perhaps set a foundation that i can build on and for that i am incredibly grateful.
change and growth never end if we are lucky and so perhaps i can look at january and be thankful for reminding me of this as i move forward scampering hopefully into february, destination unknown.
One thing that I am doing is changing this space this space, breathing into it new light and energy. I currently have both a photoblog and this here blog. And both spaces feel like they have been through many changes (blogger, movable type, wordpress and many redesigns as well as some hosting moves) and these changes have left scars and missing links and unviewable photos and and and the list goes on. I am not going to delete my archives because I like having a footprint of my time here on the internet and sometimes I go back and read through where I have been and that helps me see where I am.
That said, I think it is time for a fresh start so I am starting a new blog, a new design which will incorporate both my photoblog and my photos. I have been working on it and hope to launch it this weekend. When that happens, you will be redirected over and you will need to update your feed readers if you use them because I just don’t have the time to ensure all the technical transition bits to do that for you. I feel like blackdaisies and orangedaisies have served me well but its time for a bit of a rebirth I think.
There is something good in the ritual of that I think as I scamper hopefully into the future.
you know its cold when you walk 1/2 block to the bus stop and your baby’s beard frosts up … um … yeah. on the upside, am now looking forward to the day when his beard actually turns white. i think its kind of cute.
otherwise, still metal grinding cold, still windchill warnings hovering around the -30/40 degress celcius (that would be around -29 for you fahrenheit people).
Last night i made up a big huge vegan lasagna because i am craving carbs like nobody’s business. the thing is when you live in these temperatures, your body craves bulk, i have so many layers on, i am starting to resemble the michelin man and really my body is saying feed me, feed me because it wants me to resemble the michelin man, it will do anything to stay warm. And this is why I gain weight every single winter. “Not this year, not me, uh uh”, she says as she chugs her extra small chocolate orange soy milk latte knowing full well that this little warm indulgence is worth about ten million calories. Screw it … bring on the weight, whatever it takes to keep warm I say.
I really am looking forward to spring and biking to work and sunshine hitting my face and tulips poking their heads through the snow and little tiny buds of green and less layers of clothing. I really really am. sigh.
I am meeting my boys for lunch which means I have to go out there which means that I have to start dressing now because it takes a good 10 minutes to sufficiently bulk up enough to face the wind, there are not enough lattes in the world to bulk me up sufficiently, maybe I should have gotten the whip cream?
I think this is the hardest time of the year for me. This kind of bitter cold is demoralizing and all consuming.
I actually braved the cold this morning and pulled off my big awkward but oh so warm mitts and snapped my little point and shoot at all the crazy snow and ice fog, it was incredibly beautiful and strangely claustrophobic all at the same time. We walked the half block from out house to the bus stop and I looked over at Duke and his beard was filled with white frost. I have a photo of that too, hiding out in my camera. It is so beautiful outside, I feel myself been tugged to wander the streets with my camera but I know that I can’t, its too cold and that feels like such a tragedy. I want to walk around, the sun on my face, sparkled snow drifted in beauty, ice crystals floating in the air and yet neither my camera nor my skin will take that kind of cold for more than a few minutes.
And so I find myself fighting the blues … open to the beauty, unable to resist the lure that lingers outside and yet unable to really do anything about it. In these temperatures, the skin can freeze in seconds and i won’t go there having survived teenagedom which found me running around in frigid temperatures without a toque or mits, in running shoes and mini skirts, yeah, i really was that silly girl who experienced the humilating pain of frostbite which is not anything remotely cold, it is like having hot pokers placed on your skin, the burn is unreal.
So I go looking for beauty elsewhere and that elsewhere being etsy. It is definitely time for some link love. I so want this gorgeous view from one of my favourite photographers and am looking forward to this beauty arriving in the mail from same blogging beauty. i love you postcard earrings, be still my beating heart. How sweet are these yellow japanese lanterns, i know they will give me a smile of sunshine when they arrive. And I have to have these sweet little artprints, the letter D and her sweet little bee. Her incredible cotton candy and this sterling silver and green leather bracelet. Gosh, I could go on and on really, there is so much beauty being made by so many amazing talented artists.
Am even enjoying some of my own etsy teacup photos, inspired by the oh so whimsically talented, maddie, especially this photo which I have hanging in my kitchen.
All this happy link loving has reminded me of the most wonderful thing about the cold ~ finding ways to keep warm and that includes wrapping myself up cozy warm clothes and pulling out my bins and burning myself with creativity. Last night I made some yellow sunshiny earrings which made me smile as I packed them up to send off to a certain blogger friend and I suspect tonight will find me playing with more pretty warm colours.
well, it was inevitable, it had to happen eventually, there really is no escaping it given where it is that i live ~ eventually, i had to talk about the weather … its one of those things that eventually take over our lives over here, make us feel hearty like a pioneer, like we’ve really done something and really all we’ve done is make it into work for the day …
but really, honestly, yesterday and last night, we cleaned our sidewalks and driveway not once but twice and still this morning, the wind had drifted the snow around so much that when i went to open the screen door, it pushed heavy against the snow and my feet sunk down as we literally trudged to the bus stop. and it be cold … really it wouldn’t be all that bad if it wasn’t for the windchill, the windchill is nasty nasty and there is even a windchill warning.
and for my friends to the south of the border …
Here are some photos from out yesterday … honestly, we wouldn’t have left the house but there was a soccer tournament and the boys happily won a silver so it was worth the white knuckle driving.
who wants to come visit me? by friday, it will be positively balmy over here!
It is no surprise to anyone that knows me that i love colour though in winter my clothing tends towards the more subtle most days, feeding my quiet with shades of brown, grey, soft hued blacks and heathered greens with a startling bright jewel somewhere and funky striped socks. even on my most conservative black suited days, my socks are always a touch of bright whimsy encased toes that want to run outside and play in the snow, in the sand, amongst the concrete coloured grafitti spilled sunshined thought.
My house, however, as you can see from the snatches of colour that i stole from my home, is a bold statement of paint swept across bold accessories, a mingling of brightness that glows comfort in candlelight and joy in the sunlit shadows. my house represents me, embraces me when i enter and hugs me warm and says welcome back. she grounds me and centers me, relaxes and rejuvinates me as she folds me in her wise creative arms. she is old and her smooth curved plaster walls embrace love, her wood floors creak stories of life and her charm entices me and feeds my imagination.
i have a theory about colour (as we canadians spell it) when it comes to me ~ i need it always but i especially need it during the long white winter months where its absense is so apparent. i need it so that i don’t sink into the darkness, losing myself over to grey emotion … luckily, i have my house to bring me back to me.
I am looking forward to a weekend wrapped in colour, the embrace of relax and understanding, the warmth of love’s charm. I hope everyone has a beautiful weekend and manages to find sanctuary and joy in the simple things that give us beauty.
green a distant memory filled with
soft snow crunch.
sparkles beneath a lost footing. ice shards
shattering against a whispered memory.
and yet you shine gold
soft wind dancing. flute notes straining
across a prairie field. pulling at me wantonly
asking me to lay myself down across your cold back
warming me with frosty breath shivers down skin.
if i stand and stare out at your vastness
i see nothing. colourless tundra
greeting me with coldness
and i smile into your eyes. the detail
of your tawny flecks of gold reach
into my belly warm
full of bright infusion
you of the harsh winds and hallowed lies
you of the angered cold burnt reddened skin
you do not win, you do not cut me to the core to laugh
upon my fury. i find your warmth inside my
eye. inside your eye. inside a promise
of green.
i cannot seem to stay away
i find myself lingering here
my head buried in the heat of a soft hum
a spark dancing in the heat of a curled ringlet
soft warm air blowing around my flushed cheeks
as the snow swirls in the air
frozen smiles shiver
The thing is, I am dealing with the stuff that needs to be dealt with. I am also finding space in my heart and mind for the quiet and have taken to lighting candles, fairy lights and filling the air with incense, noticing the way it calms my fears and holds me in silence. And you have all been so respectful, sending me long word filled emails that I have read with a smile on my face at your care. I have been slowly attempting to respond and am ever hopeful that I will get back to each and every one of you at some point but am grateful that you have given me no pressure to do so. I appreciate that more than you can know. My days are much busier than before and yet they seem to move more slowly, more quietly and somehow more purposeful as though even the thought of making space for me to relax is a focused thought on what I need right now.
I realized that this blog is also a space that I have created for myself, a space to come and write, to sit, to think, to place my markers in photos or song, rhythm and cadence and to feel my way through my life. While there are things that I can never talk about here, things that affect other people in their personal nature, I can make space for my head to smile at itself for a moment, to linger in myself for a moment and to find a breathe in a long busy day.
There is something incredibly beautiful about that I think. I am grateful for figuring out how to slow down time and realizing that its not that hard if you allow yourself to slow down and breathe. I am grateful for the love that swirls around me and that smiles are contagious and that blue is a colour that brings peace to my heart. I am grateful that at one point in my life, I got to sit under a head heater much like the one in the photo above and tune out the hum of noise that gossiped around me and find peace in the hot air that flushed my cheeks and caused my eyes to droop.
“To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path, and don’t worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest” (unknown)
listening to the quiet tick of a soft blue
dancing in heart’s wandering contemplation
the flickr of a candle warmth
dripping wax as moon phase wanes
i reach outwards to find myself
softly smiling
trusting a universe that cradles us
if we let it
learning to take each day as it comes
filling myself with love and hope
working towards a quiet peace
a soft happy
a restful ease.
