searching inside
“This is one of the miracles of love: It gives a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted” (c.s. lewis)
i had such a beautiful weekend and i don’t feel the least bit guilty about the fact that i was completely and utterly selfish about it all, selfish in the best kind of way. i made some jewelry just for me, not to sell but just to wear because i am worth it and really that is why i started making jewelry in the first place, it made me feel good and i got something beautiful to wear at the end of it all. i ate chocolate and ice cream and indulged in an east indian buffet that cost far too much money but was worth the laughter and love. i watched girl movies*, curled up in flannel and cried my eyes out at the sadness and joy and bittersweet love grateful for the love that i have in my life. i took photographs and made yummy breakfasts and dinners. i went out for coffee and wandered bead stores and book stores and the corners of my mind. we costed out replacing our front steps which tilt rather alarmingly and building a beautiful little cedar deck in the back yard and i envision fairy lights and warm nights and candle’s glow. i started planning my garden and which rose bushes to plant and where they should go. i lit a candle for my sister and remembered her smiles and wondered at my losses but felt somehow at peace. i relaxed into myself and thought of things i wanted to do and they all centred around people i love and places i live, words i wanted to dip my pen into scratched on paper journals and colours i wanted to drip on canvas outside in sunlight’s dance. i watched the snow melt from my front yard and noticed that it was starting to shrink in the back. i breathed in time and discovered that sometimes i don’t need to do a thing but love myself and the world circles beautifully.
*becoming jane; atonement; the jane austen book club and margot at the wedding
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