waiting for the lilacs
“Fear is a slinking cat I find beneath the lilacs of my mind.” (sophie tunnell)
i have been fairly quiet here these days, waiting for the lilacs to bloom outside my window, the scent to dance through the sunlit corners of my house. i have been fairly quiet in the presence of my mind, slowed down and yet somehow managing to do more work than i thought possible in a short period of time. i have been reading blogs in my feed reader and enjoying your words and feeling as though it is okay for me not to comment on each and every one as i declutter the minutes of my day. i have been quietly and slowly building our business over the past six months since i decided that it was time my husband and i took the plunge and it has been amazing.
one day about six months ago, i decided definitively that i was tired of the slinking fear that lived inside my mind and the very next day it all started falling into place and opportunities have been knocking ever since. i have the start of a solid business plan, i have drafted contracts and had them reviewed and finalized them and um even had some signed by clients. i have put together information sheets and we are figuring out taxes and have applied for a business license and even purchased beautiful lovely, i have fallen in love with equipment. i am designing cards and advertising and our flash site is almost finished and most importantly, we have bookings all through the spring and summer months, real live bookings and i am so excited and thrilled and well mostly excited that the fear seems almost not even there. i keep waiting for fear to rear its ugly head but so far it is only a tickle in my belly that feels more like excitement.
this has all happened with very little fanfare over here, mostly a lot of hard work but as the sunlight dances and the heat scorches us this weekend, i find myself smiling a lot and dancing about with happy. i am working two jobs and will continue to do so for a long time to come but i am also taking chances again and following my bliss and that makes the world smell a whole lot sweeter.
i am happy. not the kind of dance in your underwear happy but more of a quiet, content happy. the kind of happy that sticks around and settles into your bones, the kind of happy that i used to scoff at when i was young, the kind of happy that really could be called content. sure there are things that i want to change about my life including losing some weight and continuing to renovate our little house and perhaps some day exiting stage left from cubey land but these things don’t keep me awake at night. i can honestly say that i love my life right here, right now and i can’t wait to see what happens next.
this weekend will find me shooting, gardening and enjoying the bright new green of spring, the buds of colour and the dirt underneath my fingernails. here in canada it is a long weekend ~ monday, may 24 is a holiday, victoria day, the day we canadians honor queen victoria’s birthday as well as the current, queen elizabeth. we can be all british like that.
have a wonderful weekend everyone and a happy long weekend to my fellow canadian friends.
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